Planning your wedding is one of the most exciting times of your life, but making those important decisions can be more stressful than ever imagined. We’ve chosen some of the trickiest situations you could be facing and given you the solutions that’ll keep you smiling all the way to “I do”.
The budget dilemma
Working out the budget is one of the most difficult parts of wedding planning, but it’s essential to have a clear idea from the start as it will affect everything from the guest list to your dress. It’s a good idea to sit down with both sets of parents to discuss who is paying for what, how much they can afford and what the wedding is likely to cost. Traditionally the bride’s parents pay for the majority of the wedding, but there are no set rules today and both sets of parents as well as the bridal couple usually contribute to the overall cost of the wedding. If you and your fiancé are paying for the bulk of the wedding, open a separate savings account so you can keep an eye on your spending.
WI Tip: A wedding planner may seem a costly extravagance at first, but they are trained to allocate budgets in the most effective way. They’ll also handle any last-minute loose ends that you shouldn’t have to worry about.
The guest-list dilemma
Your budget and size of venue will determine your guest list, although we suggest you have an estimation of the numbers before you set your heart on a venue. Your guest list should include the people you, your groom and both sets of parents would like to celebrate your special day with. Wedding website theknot.com advises couples to compile a list of guests into categories A and B. A’s are those people that must be invited and B’s are the rest, and from where you’ll cut the list down. Consider leaving off old school friends you may have lost touch with and don’t feel obligated to invite your colleagues. You can also have an adults’ only reception and/or invite single guests without dates. Bride-to-be Lisa MAckenzie and her fiancé Alistair opted to invite the people to their wedding that they know will be part of their future married life and cut back on certain friends from their pasts who they don’t see that often.
WI tip: Useful information to help you draw up your guest list:
- Don’t invite people to your engagement party if you’re not inviting them to the wedding.
- Don’t invite people to the wedding ceremony and not the reception. Rather don’t invite them at all.
- In most instances, you should invite people to your wedding if you went to theirs.
- Be upfront from the start if your numbers are tight. For example, tell your colleagues you’re unfortunately unable to invite them and that you hope they understand you have to put family and close friends first.
- If you’re not inviting children, let friends and family know as soon as possible.
The bridesmaid dilemma
Choosing your bridesmaids is not an easy task, but it’s even more difficult when you know one of your friends will be hurt if you don’t include her in your line-up. Your options are:
- To bite the bullet and include her in your line-up; the less stress the better.
- To leave out friends altogether and choose bridesmaids from your family.
- To only have a maid of honour (usually your sister or closest friend).
- To choose your godchildren as flower girls and pageboys (this works well if you have been a bridesmaid too many times to ask them all back!).
- To be honest with your friend about your tough decision, telling her that you’ve had to leave out some very special friends. She will be hurt, but should appreciate your honesty.
- To ask her to do a reading so that she is still involved in the day.
WI tip: Allocate space in your budget to give bridesmaids and groomsmen small thank-you gifts.
The destination wedding dilemma
You’ve schlepped to more out-of-town weddings than you can remember, but if you’re planning your own one, considering the pros and cons can become a major issue. On the upside, destination weddings can be surprisingly affordable as the guest list is usually smaller and you can find some great all-inclusive packages. On the downside, they’re not as affordable for your guests. It’s a lot to ask people to come to your wedding if they have to pay to get there and stay there.
Even if you can cover the cost of your guest’s rooms, you still need to consider things such as the cost of airfares, whether guests can take time off work and if those with small children can leave them at home. Travel can also be difficult for older relatives and you have to accept that some of your nearest and dearest might have to decline. While it’s your day, it’s also important to set a wedding date that doesn’t interfere with Christmas holidays, for example. Many guests may resent having to travel to your wedding in the middle of the festive season. Make sure you send save-the-date emails far in advance so that guests can make bookings and travel plans.
WI tip: If you’ve set your heart on getting married in your dream location surrounded by a handful of family and close friends, why not host a drinks reception after your wedding at home?
The involvement of in-laws dilemma
Your fiancé’s parents are probably just as excited about your wedding as you are, and they will want to be involved in the planning to an extent. But how involved do they need to be if they are contributing to the wedding financially and how do you make sure they don’t feel left out? In so saying, there is nothing worse than your future mother-in-law telling you what to do and how to do it. Here’s how to get the balance right:
- It’s essential to involve both sets of parents in all the initial discussions regarding the budget and guest list. By doing this you can take cues from them as to how involved they want to be and what their expectations are.
- Be honest and upfront with them without being abrasive: “Thanks for your input but we have decided to do this instead…”
- If things get heated, ask your fiancé to handle the situation, and do the same if your parents arebeing difficult and opinionated.
- Spend time showing your future mother-in-law your colour scheme and ideas so that she feels she is part of the planning process. Perhaps give her a list of things she can do and offer to help her choose her outfit.
WI tip: A nice gesture is to treat both your mother and his mother to a spa treatment in the run-up to the big day. Send your future mother-in-law a bunch of flowers a few weeks before the wedding thanking her for all her input and efforts.
The e-vite dilemma
Sending wedding invitations via email has become accepted practice around the world: it’s eco-friendly; you won’t have to worry about unreliable postal services; and it cuts stationery and postage costs. But you may prefer the more traditional approach of posting your wedding invitations. There are no rules- it all comes down to your budget and what you like best.
Another dilemma that often arises is the wording of wedding invitations. Put simply, invitations should be worded from whoever is hosting the wedding. For example:
Bride’s parents as hosts:
Mr and Mrs James Faber request the pleasure of… at the marriage of their daughter Chloe to Mr Mark Green, son of Jack and Gillian….
Divorced parents as hosts:
Mr James Faber and Mrs Sally Faber request the pleasure of…at the marriage of their daughter Chloe to Mr Mark Green, son of Jack and Gillian….
Bride and groom as hosts:
Miss Chloe Faber and Mr Mark Green request the pleasure of…at their wedding…
The seating plan dilemma
Like your guest list, the final seating plan can also cause much stress for the bride and groom. Some easy tips to remember are:
- The bride and groom usually sit at the main table with their immediate families and bridal party. The table should be long and face the reception (although some couples prefer to sit at round tables, and this is also fine).
- Couples should be seated at the same table, but not next to each other.
- Children must be seated next to their parents or at a children’s table.
- Try to mix up your male and female guests evenly at each table.
- Don’t seat family or your close friends too far from the main table.
- To seat divorced parents, refer to The Divorced Parents Dilemma below.
WI tip: Never send thank-you letters via email; they must be handwritten and posted.
The divorced parents dilemma
If your parents are divorced, tension can easily arise when it comes to the seating and table plans. If they’re on good terms, seat your mother and father together in the front row at the ceremony. If not, seat them both in the front row with relatives between them or seat your mom in the front row and your dad with some of his relatives behind her. Hopefully at the reception your parents can be civil enough to be seated a the head table next to you after all this is your special day. Alternatively, you and your husband can sit with the wedding party at the head table while your in-laws and each of your parents host a table of their guests. If these decisions are discussed openly in advance, chances are there shouldn’t be any conflict.
WI tip: Make sure you brief the photographer so that he can coordinate family pictures sensitively.
The cash bar dilemma
We all know weddings are hugely expensive and that the bar bill is guaranteed to be one of the jaw droppers. But even if you need to cut costs, don’t consider a cash bar. Put simply, it’s just no appropriate to make your guests pay for things at your wedding. Rather skimp elsewhere: forfeit the wedding favours or send email invitations. Most wedding planners will advise you to host a “soft bar” of beer, wine and sparkling wine for the toasts (there are some really well priced bubblies available). You should also enquire about corkage options at the venue as it may be more affordable to bring in your own wines. Stay away from spirits and shooters as these tally up very quickly.
WI tip: A wedding brunch is a more affordable option as your guests consume less liquor than they would at an evening reception.
The money gift dilemma
It’s perfectly understandable if you and your fiancé would rather your friends and family gave you money instead of wedding presents…just don’t mention it on the invitation. A corny poem (“A gift of cash to help us on our way will really make our day….blah, blah, blah”) is tacky. The correct etiquette is to ask your wedding party to subtly put the word out. The same goes for the listing the gift registry on your wedding invitations – don’t do it.
WI tip: A good idea is to create a personal wedding website where you can communicate this and any other useful wedding information such as accommodation options.
The weather dilemma
With all the excitement of setting your wedding date, don’t overlook the climate at that time of year and the complications that may come with it. It’s not a good idea to have an outdoor ceremony during the rainy season or to expect guests to sit in a marquee in the middle of winter. Remember you can’t control the weather but you must plan around it. For example, have umbrellas on call if the forecast predicts a downpour…. and then take a deep breath and smile because it’s lucky to have rain on your wedding day and there is nothing you can do about it!
WI tip: Cost-saving couples often choose an out-of-season venue because of cheaper rates. Check the weather pattern for that time of year as the affordability may actually come with a hefty price-a muddy marquee or guests sitting in their cars with the heaters on because it’s warmer than the venue.
This feature is taken out of Wedding Inspirations magazine Autumn 2012